Tuesday, August 19, 2008


This is something that I have been needing to write about for a long time now. It's one of those things that if I had written about it any earlier it just wouldn't be the same, though.
At the end of February, my Pawpaw James died of an aortic aneurism. It was very quick with no warning signs. The thing about all this was that we had no idea he was about to be gone, and didn't take advantage of the time he was here to tell him how we felt and how awesome we thought he was. And believe me, he was so awesome. We're talking about a guy who went 67 years and never had a bad word to say about anyone. He was always happy and wanted to make everyone else laugh. He was there for anyone who needed help, and my family was on the needing end at times. There was never a second thought, and we usually didn't even have to ask... if he saw a need, he wanted to meet it.
Is this not how we should all live... looking for opportunities that God puts in front of us to be a blessing to others, since God has blessed us so much.
My prayer is that Pawpaw would be my reminder of that!
In April, we planted a tree in his memory, and if you knew Pawpaw you would know that he was looking on saying " Why are you going to so much trouble, I am nothing special." That's just the man he was, and that's why he was so special!
So for this ceremony we all wore his traditional attire... white undershirt, sweat band, shorts and tennis shoes. Some of us chose to write memories on our shirts as you can see below...
The whole weekend was really just all about his favorite things... we even poured some of his favorite beer in the hole with the tree.
We were all getting to a point where we had accepted that he was gone, we weren't happy about it or used to it yet, but we had almost accepted it. That's when Granny decided she better go to the doctor. She thought that the grief had just affected her too much. She was having a very hard time breathing and couldn't sleep anymore. After a few visits and a few more tests the results came back.. She had lung cancer.

What! How in the world does a women, almost 67, never touched a single tobacco product, get lung cancer. I went straight to my books, I thought I remembered this from college, and sure enough... Adenocarcinoma. The most common cancer in non-smoking women.
We were all in shock and I just worried how Granny was going to cope with it all. I mean, she hadn't even finished all the paper work that had to be done from Pawpaw's death, and now she was going to be dealing with chemo treatments on top of it all.
But, I was the one with the little faith.. in God and in Granny.
She is one of the strongest women I know. She has now gone through 4 chemo treatments and lost her hair and her husband and having pain unpon pain and is still smiling and laughing every day.
What problems do I have? Why do I not trust God enough to have joy through my sorrow?
These are questions that have gotten me to the point I'm at today. I am so thankful for so many things, but most of all I am thankful that I am not going through any of this alone. God has been by my side the whole way, telling me it is good, and He is caring for granny. I have an amazing husband who gives me every opportuniy to see Granny and helps me through the pain and hurt and questions. God has spoken through a friend many times to say that this is not what will send Granny home... she will survive this horrible disease and be a testimony to God's faithfulness. I am thankful that God held all of my family together through this ordeal and that we have become closer because of it.
Granny still struggles, but she is even thankful. She says she is thankful Pawpaw didn't have to see her like this. He would not have been able to handle seeing her in the pain that has afflicted her.
My heart overflows right now with emothion and understanding, but it is so hard to put in words. I am sad, but at the same time I rejoice for He art with me!
A quilt that was made out of shirts that reminded us of Pawpaw. They also added some special pictures.

The scripture reads " So I commend the enjoyment of Life, because nothin gis better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the Life God has given him under the sun." Ecclesiastes 8:15

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